Seriously i am at my lowest now i don't know how to describe how i feel. I've never felt so alone as i do now.. i literally have no one.... well i have my girl friend and dont get me wrong i love her and im thankfull for her but other then her i have no one else i can call a friend not one friend just reverted back to being alone.. This has been the longest i have been depressed for in a long time and im afraid to say it but i dont see no end to this depression anytime soon... nor do i see the point in going on.

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The Thoughts Of a Broken Man

http://soundcloud.com/mmmusic/willie-nelson-the-scientist....... listen and read

I'm a wreck I'm just going to flat out say it I'm a wreck i don't know what to do with my self anymore... i wanna talk about whats going on but i don't know how and too who..... I'm scared of life ever since i was a kid i dreaded this moment I'm in now I'm lost in this world I'm scared and i doubt my self I'm scared for the future.

i have two thing that keep me going my grand parents my grandpa my hero the man i look up to the man i want to be like when i get older..........All i want to do is make him proud of me proud of his grand son....Ever since I've lost faith in my father my grand pa has become my father i wanna be successful to make him proud and happy he's done so much for me it's the least i could do for him....

The other thing that keeps me going is.......Carolina she's what gets me through everything she makes me feel whole she is one reason why i wake up everyday even when i don't want to wake up anymore...... I'm scared if i don't move on to college ...... I'll lose her .........i don't want to lose her she means the world to me i love her so i try my hardest to do well in life for her because i want her to be proud of me too. She is my rock in this changing world and the only woman i love............

Right now I'm a lost,scared and broken man a shell of the former care free person i use to be. My mind is just polluted with the notion of failure and disappointment i pray that one day i may come back here and write about the bright side but for now this is..... The words of a broken man.

I didn't think id be back here after all this time. My laptop battery is going to die soon so i guess i will keep this short... i feel a sense of drifting between me and another *i wont mention who*. Who knows what i feeling or why I'm feeling it but it all feels strange to me..... Confused all over again....some what upset.....lost in my thoughts and mind.

No one will understand for i keep everyone out and away.......... i think things will change most likely in the wrong state of mind right now.

Scared don't want to lose what i hold dear........

Wish i knew ... how ... they feel

If its the same as how i feel

Mind over thinks over analyzes at times....probably nothing

That's all for now.