dante's inferno ... posted online I LOVE THIS PERSON

http://www.everypoet.com/archive/poetry/dante/dante_contents.htm
so if anyone has ever wanted to read this and just could not ifnd the book!! trust it took a while to find it in old bookstored in toronto.... THEN HERE IT IS!! ONLINE!
of course i also really doubt that people are as crazy as me to go looking for the goddamn old book. BUTTT just in case there u are.

josh fell down a well and died

JOSH CAN U POST SUMTHING B4 I KILL U LOL

sometimes you hear shit u wish u didn't wanna hear but you end up hearing it then if it's big enough it hits you hard and you just get a sudden surge of emotions. Right now i got a shit load of emotions just going through me right now I'm disgusted, I'm pissed not pissed I'm furious i wanna just beat the shit out of something anything hell anyone. I'm fucking tired of your bullshit it just slowly fucks me up inside and just fucks up my view on people every time i try to forgive and forget i fucking hear something that just enrages me. You fucking piece of shit i can never see you in the same way again i always forced my self to think there was a reason behind everything you did what the fuck was wrong with me there was no reason but to further your own gains.Fuck if you only knew if you only knew how i felt towards you but i must thank you for one thing showing me what i don't wanna become in the future and showing me the difference between a real man and a piece of disgusting trash. I never said it but I've Finlay had enough i am disgusted to be your son.

Just A Little Post

yeah so just a little post/update an what not i made a tumbler just because bunch of people said i should make one put i still prefer are blog on this little hidden corner of the Internet. this way i can write about what ever i want with out many people finding out about it which i prefer because with tumbler every one can see it then re post it which kinda sucks. anyway josh did u abandon the blog lol.

It's alive.... :P

HALLOWEEN IS ALMOST HERE WOOT WOOT!
Josh u still alive over there? GUYS WE HAVE TO CHILL SOON!?? Halloween haunt anyone?

Thanksgiving weekend

I'M GROUNDED I FEEL LIKE SUCH A CHILD!!! stayed out until 3am on saturday and now i'm grounded, it was worth it.

Friday- Half the school didn't show up... pure sleep day. Went to work and got home at midnight most boring day in lifeeeee.

Saturday- skipped work, woke up at noon and chilled with friends. So much fun but i had no clue wat we were doing until we got to places we were going. My friend Daniel popped up at my house and we went to mcdonalds and picked up my sister from work. Drove to Toronto and still had no idea wat was happening, picked up my friend kayla and stephanie. Finally got fed up with being lost and asked wtf we were doing ..... we went to a coffee shop and took pics like a bunch of drunk idiots... we were sober.
Drove around for a while jking around. Went to my friend house and took random pictures in the middle of the street... including a pic of me and kayla laying in the middle of the road. Went home at 3am GOT IN SHIT, went to bed -_-.

Sunday- watched movies with Daniel, Kayla, Steph, and my sis... Talked to Aaron for a while. He was beingt a jelous fruitloop but I love him anyways <3. Went home at 1am fell asleep at 3am.

Monday- NOTHINGNESSS!!!! Talked to twin for a while but thats about it.

jay and silent bob ftw

mother mother fuck, mother mother fuck fuck, mother fuck, mother fuck, noise noise noise,1.2.1.2.3.4,noish noish noish, smokin weed smokin weed doin coke drinkin beers drinking beers beers beers, rollin fatties smokin blunts who smoke the blunts? we smoke the blunts! rollin blunts and sm- let me get a nickelbag- 15 bucks little man put that shit in my hand, if that money doesn't show then you owe me owe, my jungle love, oioio, i think i wanna know ya know ya yeah what?

this has been stuck in my head for 3 days now

2 classes with computers FTW

HEY GUYSS!!!
SOO I HAVE 2 CLASSES WITH COMPUTER.. and there will be times when i shall die of boredom.. like now AND IM GUNA POST LIKE A LOON<3 :D


Anywho!!! WE ARE OFFICIALLY INTO THE SECOND WEEK OF SCHOOL. I hope all u frogs and fruitloops are having fun.. personally i think hishschool just bites ASS!! but w.e life goes on. Aaron went on vacation 2 a place he hates, the people he was staying with forced him 2 go. He's sneaking back todaii, but it's a 30 hour drive FOR FKS SAKE!!!! so he will only be back tmrw.. and then he's just guna sleep... poor guy <3

How is school going for u guys?

Birfday..

oki so its officially my birthday and i am SOO HAPPY! i want to thank u both so much for the birthday wishes :)<3. I figured since u both use this blog to just kinda destress a little.. i'm just guna write.

So as much as I love everyone so much for all the happy wishes and everything, I still feel like the biggest part of me is missing. I miss my boyfriend so much and i don't now what he's doing right now, i don't now if he is okay, i just don't know. I didn't kno that i could feel so full of happiness and loneliness at the same time. I know its starting to seem like he's really the only thing i think about and i need to back off a little but he is like family to me and i don't know how not to worry about him.

Anyways its still 3am and my birthday is just beggining. I appreciate all the wishes so much and i hope u guys are having as much fun as i will be having todaii :)<3.

Lots Of Weezer Lots Of Fun

I'm glad to see that josh has come back to the blog lol i felt kinda weird being the only one posting on it considering my post were about stuff that was confusing to me enough about that now. Ask anyone right now about what I'm addicted to and they would ether say weezer and YouTube and for some odd reason i wasn't really feeling great and i started to go thru all my YouTube video's and saw my mini Weezer collection and the way Rivers Cuomo writes how he feels and his thoughts on his life and life experiences i guess got me to think in a way that allowed myself to relate to some of the things he would sing about.

An example of that would be say it ain't so rivers wrote that song about his relation ship with his father when when he was younger he thought alcohol was the reason his Father left his family but he later found it that it wasn't due to the alcohol that he left. Now most people who are close to me know my parents split cuz of my dad and the shit he did and alcohol played a huge factor in there separation and that song kinda explains how i felt about it.

I like when a band or artist can create a song or in my case albums that u can relate to and so I've gone out and bought 4 of the 7 *holy shit i just found out right now they releasing a new CD in September holy fuck I'm buying it*well now 4 of the 8 Weezer albums they are also the only band who's CD i really own.

Now this weekend was soo fun i slept over at a friends avo's plc and omg it was fun we watched step up 3d then had food from m job and just had convos about stuff and all the reatrad speaking it was so fun i didnt go to sleeptill like ..... i dont remeber lol the next day we were pretty dead except monica and daniella wich is weird i fell a sleep watching mind freak then cariis avo woke me up and told me to sleep in one of the rooms and i couldnt say no she is so pro and awesome

then we went bowling and i did better then i thout i would lol cept almost snaped my finger trying to twist the dam ball had sum pizza took pics and just had fun then we had dairy queen and all went home after.

so today is day for me to catch up on sleep and just relax adios every one

[what's new] ??

I guess there hasn't been much to talk about, but here's what happened during my week...

Sunday afternoon was quite boring there wasn't much to do, I went out for a drive but I got bored and ended up not doing anything for the rest of the day, watching videos, listening to music...nothing new. Then Monday, I was planning on going with my youth group to help out at this retirement home, but I wasn't able to go because I woke up kinda late haha. Tuesday was fun, I went with the youth group to go volunteer at St. Jude's meeting the people there that we helped out was fun, learned a lot to haha. So I guess I could tell you guys what we did there lol.

Alright, so...yeah,, all we did there was help out the clients that were there, the place was like a community centre, so we did like a lot of different activities, our job was to help out the people there, it was fun. All I can say that those people that we helped out were not "normal" (or however we define normal nowadays) but anyways, no they didn't think like us or anything, they were "special" haha, very nice people, even though they may think differently than us, you can still see the joy and happiness that they live through, they find happiness when they know that we're there for them, to be more specific they are the mentally disabled adults that we help out, so even though most of them are much older than us, they act like children, people who should be taken care of, but knowing that those people can still recognize the good from the bad, the wrong from the right, people who show emotions that no "normal" people want to show, they are true to their character. Although we don't see it as much, I think that we could learn a lot from them, maybe not academically, but more spiritually. These people showed us how much value life is within them. Those people we met were also true to their faith, they understand the love that God has given them, they value the life they are given, they value each moment they live thanking Him for each second, each day that they are given life (haha apologize for sounding too much like religious fanatic, but that's how they truly are haha, that's how we see it when we were with them, but I'm not afraid to show how I'm faithful I am to my faith anyways lol). Tuesday's was loads of fun, aside from the experience we had with the clients, we also had more of the social fun haha, with a rubix cube. LOL !!

Okay, so that was Tuesday, Wednesday was all right nothing special happened haha. Thursday was fun, we went to Pmall with some friends [lol, sorry Steven we didn't get to msg you to go to pmall with us] but yeah, we went to pmall, hahaha funny funny, I waited almost 3 hours waiting for Cristina & Co. to meet me and Francis at Finch, like holy crap, I got so bored waiting that i solved the rubix cube i had like 50 times waiting for them LOL. but yeah it took us an hour to get there and it was almost around 6ish that we got there, the mall closed kinda early, so yeah hahaha, bubble tea ftw, hahah fail I bought the same drink as my friend, like exact same, and I got it cheaper than her haha even thoug htehre wa only an 8 cents difference lol, but the funny thing was that the lady gave me more change than I was suppose to get so that was fail for the lady, pretty lucky for me haha. Friday boring, Saturday annoying, I was suppose to go to a friends birthday party that day, but my parents told me I couldn't go anymore I was like wtf. Sunday I am here, writing this blog, knowing that not much people read this sad to say haha. So yeah, I'm gonna start writing stories again, and eventually continue writing that frickin novel I'm trying to write, I made major editting on the first 3 chapters (write now 3 chapters, total number of pages: 64) hahah, made them longer, changed some name, minor change in the storyline but is all cool =D

So anyways here's how I'm gonna end this tediously long piece of crap,, haha it's a short quote, I kinda liked it because I find the meaning of the quote kind of relevent with what's happening lately.

"Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait for the answer."
~Unknown

it's summer time

well I'm glad every one is back on board with the blog and what not or at lest starting to post on it i dunno is Vanessa is gonna continue on it thou :P.

anyway yea its summer its hot as hell and I'm sweating on a computer with no ac ain't it great XD I've made some summer plans such as buying all the Cd's on my CD list now this list is huge i don't even no how long its gonna take to do but i wanna be able to get em all. I also have been going out more this summer then previous which is a good thing i assume lawl another plan i have is once i get all the Cd's from my list or at lest most of em me and my pal fill gonna go to earls court were he works to his pimped out shack that has a PS2 and guitar hero gonna get sum pizza tunes going PS2 and just chill out there till night fall i believe should be epic day then we also planing a trip to Montreal or Quebec to see are pal jamila but yea that's all i can think of to say peace mofo's :p

After So Many MONTHS !!

Okay, so I guess, i haven't kept my word of trying to post a lot here, and even though I know not a lot of people read this blog, it's just a good way of of just letting out your idea's in whatever way possible. Your Troubles. Worries. Life Stories. Whatever. I guess i could honestly say that I just started writing again, because I find it more relaxing for me, a way to open up without really opening up, a way of just letting your ideas, your thoughts flow thorugh your fingers into the keyboards.

Recently, I had those mix emotions and I so really wanted to start typing ever since school ended 2 week ago. With my family; the usual feelings: stress with parents, frustrations with them, and babysitting. With my friends; it's kind of confusing. Another wave of feeling that we always go through. I guess, ever since 2 months ago, I started to change my views of situations. These days, I don't seem to care about what happening around me. I let go of feelings I knew was pointless and got me nowhere, and starteed feeling things I actually wanted to. I guess, when you learn how to let go of things, you learn to take up new things. When you learn how to let go of something, move on to another, especially if you know that you would never get it back. It's hard to let go of something so precious and special to you, but once you learn that sacrificing the things you love is a part of life, knowing that it will be with you in any other way is some of things you learn to appreciate. It's hard giving something up. It's even harder knowing that it's hard to let go. Letting go of what makes you happy for the sake of others, is given a reward far greater than happiness, but the true love of friendship that goes with you wherever you are.

Other things that are new, in a way is that I'm having a feeling ever since certain events, I haven't really been a good friends to others, especially when i was at the
Aside from my personal problems during my absence of writing, I've encountered problems of other people, more specifically confused people. Although I may not have been a good friend during that time, I truly understand what their going through. It's just a stage in life where you become confused, especially with your identity, God made you as you are, you are what you want to be because you have that choice to become that person, changing yourself instantaneously and becoming who your not be only makes you more confuse of who you are. Changing yourself to fit into socitey and what they expect you to be only makes it more confusing. People will like you for who you are, maybe not everyone, but to those who can see the goodness beyond what they want or what they need. Yet, we as we live our lives, we continue to discover our true selves, its probably the hardest mission we will ever go through, but time plays its part as well as having each other, to help us look for ourselves.

So I have so many other things to talk about but I guess I'll stop here. Hope you guys made sense of what I was writing, sometimes what I write nowadays don't make sense, but when I have time, I'll write more often lol. but here's a final message that I think could really summarize all those stuff that I was talking about.
Life Lesson learned today, is that "Friendship is beyond how we define it, but Friendship is the love that you gain and share with the world."
lol hope that makes sense to you, if not, please try to think deeper and inbetween the lines.

confusion has finaly set in and im ok with it

so it seems I've come back here sooner then i expected. I come back though with a greater understanding of the situation and how i feel about it all at first i thought id feel really bad and some what "broken" but i don't.

It feels like it hasn't phased me at all i dunno if it is because i keep filling my self with false hope that hopefully she would take notice of how much I've tried to help her and show her how i feel but.... at the same time i feel as I'm helping delta out which bothers me thus causing me to pick my words wisely thinking she is asking questions that would help her understand him.

See she would send me messages about asking "how would a guy would prove he likes or is into a girl" and i tell her what I think and what I would do" i didn't really get it at first but now i do.

she said she is confused and doesn't know what to do but what bothered me was what about me what about all the stuff i said and did what about all the effort i put into asking her. I continue to assume that every ting she said was a lie and it sucks to think that because i don't know what to do.
she says: So its awkward when I talk to u about him?
me says: but then i dunno what to do because of that whole ex thing
she. says: I'm sorry
me says: no its not awkward i just feel that
[she. says: Like I told him ima tell you. Don't wait for me to make up my mind and choose or say final say. I don't know right now.
me says: yea i knew that i somewhat knew that because you said u were confused and all
she. says: Sorry. I really hate when stuff like this happen.
me says: that makes to of us :)


and with a fake smile i tries to hide how he is feeling about everything but for sure he knows he is confused but he doesn't care. I guess that's what happens after a while always being there for some one when they need someone and always helping out and getting walked on changes a person.. in a way i don't feel sadden or depressed and it confuses me allot.

I've learned something about this though i learned not to get close to anyone if u don't want to feel used and all that stuff that is associated with being depressed with these kinds of things.

i guess the next step to this is trying to figure out what to do about it all now because i sure as hell don't know what to do.

i really don't feel like writing that much and i just really wanna go to sleep and just dream about things and hopefully not think about it or wake up thinking about it id rather wake up thinking about what to do.

just when i think things are getting better the fog clears and everything is as messed up as it was before

i have decided to use the blog as a way to come and vent out a bunch of stuff on my mind and as a way to let out some bottled up feelings and what not. since the blog has been getting very little use i thought it be safe to post this on it because i only have trusted friends who co write on it and no one Else knows of its existence. I will use fake names to keep things under wraps with who it involves

So just when i think things were getting better with my predicament the same outside factor that messed it up for me decided to show up again. now i can understand how...delta feels *i will refer to outside factor as delta* wanting to be taken back and to apologies for what he has done or what has been said of him i don't no the details between delta and her.

see Ive had sum theories and Ive been told other thoughts on why he has come back after a bit of an absence. 1st) delta has noticed that she has started to move on and is more happier with another *I'll refer to other as billy* and when he noticed that her and billy have been getting close it effected him in a way were he didn't want her to get close with billy and that he wanted her back but not for the right reasons.

2ND)she believes that since she ended it with delta he wants to get back with her make everything seem all good and great then when things are at it's high he would end it with her. it's my understanding he is doing this to get sum sort of revenge or get the satisfaction of breaking up with her.

now she believes that every thing delta said is complete and utter bullshit and she doesn't trust him. But she is also confused and stressed out about this situation and doesn't know what to do about it all now.

billy on the other hand is confused about it all doesn't no what to do and feels at times he made a mistake falling for her when he also had feelings for sum one Else and he knows that it would be more straight foreword with the other girl.

See billy has herd all the shit she has been through and has seen how she has become a stronger person by dealing with it and its something he admires about her. So he somewhat set him self on a mission to prove that not all guys are assholes who only think of one thing , to show that not all guys are the same, to show that there are guys who really do care about one person and would do anything to go out of there way and make them happy.

So in short he wants to prove that you have to wad through shit in order to find your diamond in the ruff so he set out to prove it and after a while he asked her if she liked him all that stuff and it turns out she liked billy. Now it was all working out till delta showed up.

see now not only is she confused but so is billy she said she doesn't want delta anymore and has no interest in him at all and billy See's that as a small sense of hope that he can go back to they way it was. But billy is confused about it all and when he tries to get answers things don't really go his way.

She sayes things about going on "vacation" to get away from it all she also sayes that she doesn't even know if she wants a relationship anymore with anyone which bothers billy allot due to the fact that he truly dose care about her and dose what ever he can to see her smile and happy.

billy has thought about it and wants to let her go and do her thing because he knows that as long as she's happy he will be happy and from what he thinks about it it's all he truly wants for her he knows shes been through allot and he just wants her to be happy so whether its with billy or anyone Else her happiness is what really matters to him the most.

But he has a hard time doing it because he cares about her to much and doesn't want her to feel alone and sad even though she has her friends and what not he believes he should be there for her help her out even though he believes in something stupid called the friend zone but he doesn't care.

See billy thinks that in time things will work them selves out and everything will resolve them selves and that's what he hopes for the future to fix all this.

this is all i feel like writing up on here i may end up deleting all this if i feel that others may find out about this all with out me telling them or that they may spread it to others or if i just don't feel like seeing this on here at all i may turn to the blog again soon depends i guess really

uncertainty

things never go the way we want them to no matter how hard we try and how much we hope for them to do they never do.i use to be full of optimism and well happy when i meet u and after we got close but when i thought things were good something pops up and shakes things up now here i am confused doubting every thing u said and confused about it all not knowing what to think about it anymore but i guess once you find out the answer your self is when things can get back to normal

josh i just might kill you. just saying.

SOOOOO hello blog world. I know nobody is reading this but for the sake of my own sanity I'M GUNA WRITE ANYWAYS!!!!!!
Life is shit. the end. Wasn't that a really long blog?
No jks guys i lost my voice and i have a performance with my vocal class in 2 days JUST KILL ME!

googles joke of the day :
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.Love, Bubba









^^^^^ BOOKED IT HALF WAY THROUGH THE STORY lol <3

ANYWAYSSSSSS JOSHHH! I thought u were guna start blogging again so i decided to make a post just to start it off.. seeing as i'm still waiting for ur post?

Gooday world hope everyone is enjoying the weather :)

Happy new year world

life is peachy its 2010 and theres only 2 years till we dieee!!
jkss lol i dun beleive in that judgement day crap lol.. well i was just wondering how everyones new year was?? Mine was spent dancing around the kitchen with a four year old at 1 in the morning lol i swear if he wasnt so cute it would have been the most boring new years ever!!
Merry xmas to all as well considering nodoby has posted a xmas post either LOL I COULD JUST KILL U ALL! POST DAMMIT!!
lol

GOOD NEWSSS!! I DUN HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE PEICE OF CRAP DAD ANYMORE
they are divorcing sum time next month..